Research and Junk

Yay! It's time to grade research papers again.  Here are some things I have learned to help ease the stress of grading 165 million novice-scribed research papers:

•  Shamelessly ask students for chocolate and talk up its mood-enhancing effects.  They sometimes oblige.

This is just from the early submissions!

• Grade 10 research papers per night. It keeps things manageable. Do not procrastinate.  I repeat, DO NOT PROCRASTINATE (ahem...especially via blogging!)

• Buy "special" grading pens.  Gelly Roll gel pens are a longtime favorite of mine.  I may or may not have just spent a small fortune on them tonight at Hobby Lobby.  Gel pens make me feel all warm and fuzzy, and I don't feel bad using them in the role of "Grammar Nazi" as I grade papers. Zer are nooo contractions in zee research papers! Use zee third person, dummkopf!

Happiness is a new pack of gel pens.

• Set the alarm on Saturday and Sunday to be grading by 9 a.m. and break at noon for a couple of hours.  Then get back to it until dinner.  After dinner, grade until midnight.  I'd be up that late watching television anyway. 

• Never save the horrible papers for last.  Sprinkle them in with the good ones. I've had to resist the urge to drown myself in the toilet in the past because I saved the bad ones for last.

• Enlist any unsuspecting loved one to check off the easy stuff.  Students get points for turning their paper inside a folder, including their outline, rough draft, and abstracts. Joe is my go-to guy for this stuff.  I've even trained him to recognize the MLA heading.  He's a big help, so I share my chocolate with him.

• This is the first year our school is using Blackboard with the SafeAssign feature.  It's a plagiarism checker. It rocks my face off, and it saves me hours of detective work.  I lurve it.

There you have it, folks!  Those are my coping mechanisms for research paper grading. I left of the minor detail about keeping the wine fridge well-stocked because that just goes without saying.

Beastie Baby

There's nothing new or interesting to report, so here's an obnoxiously adorable picture of my dog, Phoebe.

Phoebe Facts:

•  is going to be 4 in January.
• was born the same day as my late grandfather.
• has a c-section scar from her first and last litter of puppies.
• is obsessed with hunting lizards. It's one of her OCD  yorkie traits.
• does not care to play with toys.
• likes to snuggle under the covers at bedtime.
• weighs in at a whopping 4 lbs.
• is the resident "fun police" and will growl and bark when Oscar, her 18mo old puppy, has too much fun playing.
• likes to take road trips and is a great traveling companion.

• loves Joe and flirts with him like crazy.
• needs to be shampooed, conditioned, and a blowout once a week.
• was once in a dog show and placed 2nd.
• is not a good eater.
• loves apples, broccoli, and Chef Michael gourmet dog food, but will eat Royal Canin Yorkie food when she feels like it.
• would probably be a vegetarian if we'd let her.
• is registered with the AKC as "Yorkminster's Miracle in Motion." How's that for a fancy name? 
• is the prettiest little yorkie on the face of the planet, if I do say so myself.