Monday, October 24, 2011

Research and Junk

Yay! It's time to grade research papers again.  Here are some things I have learned to help ease the stress of grading 165 million novice-scribed research papers:
  •  Shamelessly ask students for chocolate and talk up its mood-enhancing effects.  They sometimes oblige.
This is just from the early submissions!
  • Grade 10 research papers per night. It keeps things manageable. Do not procrastinate.  I repeat, DO NOT PROCRASTINATE (ahem...especially via blogging!)
  • Buy "special" grading pens.  Gelly Roll gel pens are a longtime favorite of mine.  I may or may not have just spent a small fortune on them tonight at Hobby Lobby.  Gel pens make me feel all warm and fuzzy, and I don't feel bad using them in the role of "Grammar Nazi" as I grade papers. Zer are nooo contractions in zee research papers! Use zee third person, dummkopf!
Happiness is a new pack of gel pens.
  • Set the alarm on Saturday and Sunday to be grading by 9 a.m. and break at noon for a couple of hours.  Then get back to it until dinner.  After dinner, grade until midnight.  I'd be up that late watching television anyway. 
  • Never save the horrible papers for last.  Sprinkle them in with the good ones. I've had to resist the urge to drown myself in the toilet in the past because I saved the bad ones for last.
  • Enlist any unsuspecting loved one to check off the easy stuff.  Students get points for turning their paper inside a folder, including their outline, rough draft, and abstracts. Joe is my go-to guy for this stuff.  I've even trained him to recognize the MLA heading.  He's a big help, so I share my chocolate with him.
There you have it, folks!  Those are my coping mechanisms for research paper grading. I left of the minor detail about keeping the wine fridge well-stocked because that just goes without saying.

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