Poppin' Bottles

When Joe took his NBC job in August of 08, I was super excited about the Christmas parties that awaited me. Let's face it, faculty Christmas parties lack a certain je ne sais quoi. Oh wait, I know. Alcohol. That's what they lack. So when Joe was hired at a television studio, my eyes glazed over at the promise of glitzy holiday parties. Ones held in luxurious hotels where the alcohol flowed freely, ones in which I would don fabulous dresses, mingle with television personalities, maybe even see Finfrock breakin' it down on the dance floor. Well, as luck would have it, the economy tanked about a month after he took the job and when Christmas rolled around, a big over-the-top Christmas soiree wasn't in NBC's budget. They held a Christmas employee-lunch at the studio instead, and I sulked alone but dressed up anyways and drank a whole bottle of champagne at my house. I turned on NBC 5 to make it a little more as I had envisioned. 2009 was a repeat. Le sigh.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. Joe called and asked if I wanted to go to the NBC Christmas party while I was in Banana Republic trying on all the shimmery holiday stuff, wishing I had some place fancy to go.

"Will there be booze?" I inquired.

"Yes, and it will be at the Omni Hotel in Ft. Worth."

"Will David Finfrock be there?" I asked, eyeing myself in a silk navy dress.

"I dunno... What's your obsession with him anyways?"

"Hmmm."

"The Telemundo people will be there..."

"Oh good! At least someone will be dancing!"

I took a picture of the dress I had tried on and loved, and went home and sat in front of my computer and waited for 11:00 ET to log on to bananarepublic.com to buy my dress 40% off on Black Friday. I saved $60! Plus I had a gift card from my birthday, so I ended up paying less for the dress than any other piece of my ensemble. Holla!

While I waited, I shopped for accessories, oh and wrote my supermassive paper on supermassive black holes. I needed to rest my brain. Ebay always does the trick. I found this super dangly, sparkly Betsey Johnson necklace. Sigh. Have I ever told you how much I lurve Betsey Johnson? My first daughter will be named Betsey...or next pet, or whatever inanimate object captures my affection next. I've decided it must be so. Anyways, picked the necklace because A: it is a statement piece, and B: I've been waiting to make a statement for two years.

Plus, it's silver and gold and a little edgy. I like being a little edgy. Not too much though. I don't think I could pull off totally edgy.

Then I went to North Park and bought my first pair of Christian Louboutin pumps at Barney's, and at the Christmas party, Meredith Viera complimented me on them, and I said something like, "Thanks Mear."

And then I woke up and remembered I don't own any Christian Louboutins, much less black heels that aren't open-toe, badly scuffed, or worn down to a nub. Naturally, I logged back on Ebay and looked for Christian Louboutins. No such luck finding a bargain. I did, however, discover Khloe Kardashian and I both wear the same size in Louboutins. She was auctioning off a pair for charity, but Khloe is hard on her shoes. They were pretty janky looking. That's something else we have in common, janky shoes. My life is much more meaningful now that I know this. I'm sure you feel the same.

Anyways, once it sank in that I would either need to win the lottery or cash in Joe's life insurance policy to buy a pair of Louboutins, I came to my senses and bought a pair of Nine West patent pumps. They'll do and I won't curl up in a fetal position and cry if I break a heel.

Here's what I'm going to look like. Just chop off about 6 inches of hair, add about 50 pounds and a bitch'n necklace.

Why, hello, Mr. Finfrock. Of course, I would love a glass of champagne.