The Murtaugh List

"I'm too old for this shit!"

---Roger Murtaugh "Lethal Weapon"

After watching the latest episode of "How I Met Your Mother," I've decided that I should make my very own Murtaugh List. The Murtaugh List consists of things I have decided I am too old for.

1. Staying out until last call...especially in Florida where the bars are open until 4:00am. I came to realize this on my last trip. Heck, I was ready to go home and go to sleep at midnight...only an hour or two after arriving at the bar.

2. Shots. The older I get the more I cringe when they're mentioned.

3. Hangovers. It all seemed like such fun, and then you wake up dehydrated and nauseated topped off with a lovely headache and sudden vampire-like aversion to daylight.

4. Sleeping past noon due to aforementioned hangover. It's a vicious cycle.

5. Tiny Coach purses. They used to be the only Coach purse I could afford. Now they are still they only Coach purse I can afford, but every high school girl has one.

6. Six Flags- my equilibrium is not as forgiving as it used to be. I took a group of Seniors (of the high school variety haha) to Six Flags last spring, rode 3 rides and wanted nothing more than to go back and lay down in our sweltering golden chariot.

7. Mini skirts and hoochie shorts- it's just too much energy making sure the goods aren't on display.

8. Abercrombie, American Eagle, Aero, Hollister- And I mean going anywhere near these places.

9. Tanning beds- I love being tan. I cannot, however, ignore the fine lines forming around my eyes.

10. My belly button ring- I forget I have it, no one ever sees it, but I don't want to take it out.

Florida and Familia

I relished every moment I got to spend with my brother in FL...especially since at the end of the year he will be "dropping off the face of the earth." While I am not sure what this means exactly, I just assume I won't be seeing much of him for a while, which is disconcerting to me. He will be doing something so secret that his next duty station is edited out on the unclassified copy of his orders. His current boss can't even know where he's going or what he's doing. He did mention he will be required to wear suits from now on. I am actually afraid of saying much more than that, though I am sure he hasn't told me more than he should, because, well, he's just that paranoid and takes his job VERY seriously. I envision him being the next James Bond.

As you can see, it wouldn't be that far of a stretch.

Me, haunting everyone with my whiteness on a lovely beach in Destin. I just like to think of it as a natural camoflauge, blending in with the sugar-white sand.
I wore SPF 50 and still got a tan.

My brother and his comrades in some of the prettiest water in the U.S. That water was still freezing!

And now for the Cheese to go with my Whine...

Yesterday I did a little whining.  Today I thought I'd lighten things up a bit and share with you what awesome loved ones I have.  While I was off feasting, imbibing, and debauching, my dear husband, his friend, and my parents all pitched in to do some work on our property.  My husband thought it was high time we brought back the veggie garden.  I had a bountiful veggie garden a couple of years ago that yielded more than we could eat...not bad for a 6x8 plot.  So he somehow finagled my parents into helping him till and plant the garden...and clean out the back flower beds...and tear down the chain link dog run, and dead peach tree, and burn the pile of branches behind the dog run, and remove the debris clogging the creek.  My yard looks tee-riffic and I didn't have to lift a spade nor weedeater.  

I will update and post a picture of my little garden.  I am pretty excited that I have a collard patch.  I hope to keep it organic, but bugs love some leafy greens.  I will have to look into organic pesticides.

On a side note:  I discovered this site today that sells random stuff.  I love random stuff.  Do you think I could get away with loaning these pens to my students?   Loaner Pens

When it Rains, it Pours

This morning as I drove to work I was fidgeting with my AC and noticed that no matter how high I turned it up, no air was coming out. It seemed to working, the fan just wasn't blowing the air into the car. I am just crossing my fingers that the problem is a fan and not a blown compressor as there is a huge cost difference to replace them.

About 1:30pm I recieved a phone call from Joe in the middle of class. I ignored it, but he called back. I answered and he was only a hair short of hysterical. "You need to come home right now!" After ignoring my first 3 inqueries as to why I needed to come home, he finally managed to explain that he'd let the dogs out when he came home from his dental appointment and Phoebe had gotten into a fire ant mound and "was covered with hundreds of them." He was in the process of getting her in the sink to to hose her off. Of course I was freaking out...little dogs can be sensitive to stinging insects and Phoebe barely weighs 4 lbs. I figured I'd wait for him to call back and let me know more information. When he didn't I got someone to cover my class and rushed home. Phoebe seemed fine...a little shaken, but I would be too if my dad was freaking out. She had some redness and swelling under her eyes, but otherwise seemed to be normal. I called the vet to check on Benadryl dosages just in case. She seems to be fine, but it sure was scarey. I ended up going back to work since Joe could watch her until I got home. Stupid fire ants! Joe had poisoned the mound on Sunday, but it did not kill them.

Redbuds and Bees

When the redbuds bloom each year in late February, they are heralds of the coming of greenness and warmth, and nothing brings me out of my S.A.D. induced funk more than the sight of those candy colored branches. We have one shrubby redbud tree in our front yard. When the four sickly looking pines go, I will replace them with redbuds and Bradford pears. They are gorgeous.


When I went to snip off a brand to bring inside for a vase, I was halted by the honey bees already swarming the blooms. Sigh...I love bees... So I decided to snap some pictures before the dainty flowers are gone in a week's time.

So much depends

upon

a honey bee...

Sigh... Spring has sprung. :D

Was Rated 'R' Not a Clue?!

Friday night I met Joe and some of his buddies at the Movie Tavern in Ft. Worth to see The Watchmen. I honestly did not know what to expect, but frankly I just needed an excuse to drink beers and mindlessly stare at the big screen....yeah..it was one of those weeks. We came in a little before the previews started, but as it was opening night, the theater was packed. We had to sit two rows from the front... and in front of a lady who informed us that "no, we can't sit on her row 'cause she was saving it for 8 children." Yes, 8 children.

You can imagine the onslaught of swear words running through my mind as I stood and looked desperately around the theater for 5 open seats. No such luck. Now when the woman said 8 kids, I figured pre-teens for a birthday party, but I learned they were all under the age of six when I heard her telling one of them "now we are going to sit here and eat quietly and watch the movie, and if you act up I will beat your ass." To which Joe chimed in loudly "Right on!" a la Joe Dirt. I think he might have even high-fived her. I felt a little better. At least this octo-mom was in charge of her brood.

The movie began and aside from the creaking rolling chairs, things were going well. Then we all realized that this was no Spiderman movie. It was extremely violent, sexually explicit, and the 8 children were screaming "EWWWWWWW!" every time Dr. Manhattan's flaccid blue dong flashed on screen...which was a lot, I should add. I'm not going to lie, I was totally uncomfortable knowing how uncomfortable the mom sitting behind us was. I thought.. jeez...who brings a herd of crumb snatchers to see a rated R movie at the Movie TAVERN? Bad parents! That's who! I kept hoping with the passing of each raunchy, sometimes violent, sex scene or each time some one's limb was lopped off, or skull was hacked with a meat cleaver, she would hurry them out...but no.

When the excruciating 163 minutes was up, we walked out of the theater. I knew the mom was feeling the weight of every one's judgement upon her as she quickly ushered her little ones out. I heard her say something to the tune of "well, if I'd have known those parts were in there I wouldn't have brought y'all to see it." I doubted that all 8 were hers and I couldn't help but think how she would explain to the other children's parents that had entrusted their little darlings to this mom. I totally judged her parenting skills. But, come on....

Karma is a bitch though...as I washed my hands in the theater restroom my leather purse slid off of my shoulder and into the sink of running water. It was soaked. That's what I got for being a Judgy McJudgerson