Friday night I met Joe and some of his buddies at the Movie Tavern in Ft. Worth to see The Watchmen. I honestly did not know what to expect, but frankly I just needed an excuse to drink beers and mindlessly stare at the big screen....yeah..it was one of those weeks. We came in a little before the previews started, but as it was opening night, the theater was packed. We had to sit two rows from the front... and in front of a lady who informed us that "no, we can't sit on her row 'cause she was saving it for 8 children." Yes, 8 children.
You can imagine the onslaught of swear words running through my mind as I stood and looked desperately around the theater for 5 open seats. No such luck. Now when the woman said 8 kids, I figured pre-teens for a birthday party, but I learned they were all under the age of six when I heard her telling one of them "now we are going to sit here and eat quietly and watch the movie, and if you act up I will beat your ass." To which Joe chimed in loudly "Right on!" a la Joe Dirt. I think he might have even high-fived her. I felt a little better. At least this octo-mom was in charge of her brood.
The movie began and aside from the creaking rolling chairs, things were going well. Then we all realized that this was no Spiderman movie. It was extremely violent, sexually explicit, and the 8 children were screaming "EWWWWWWW!" every time Dr. Manhattan's flaccid blue dong flashed on screen...which was a lot, I should add. I'm not going to lie, I was totally uncomfortable knowing how uncomfortable the mom sitting behind us was. I thought.. jeez...who brings a herd of crumb snatchers to see a rated R movie at the Movie TAVERN? Bad parents! That's who! I kept hoping with the passing of each raunchy, sometimes violent, sex scene or each time some one's limb was lopped off, or skull was hacked with a meat cleaver, she would hurry them out...but no.
When the excruciating 163 minutes was up, we walked out of the theater. I knew the mom was feeling the weight of every one's judgement upon her as she quickly ushered her little ones out. I heard her say something to the tune of "well, if I'd have known those parts were in there I wouldn't have brought y'all to see it." I doubted that all 8 were hers and I couldn't help but think how she would explain to the other children's parents that had entrusted their little darlings to this mom. I totally judged her parenting skills. But, come on....
Karma is a bitch though...as I washed my hands in the theater restroom my leather purse slid off of my shoulder and into the sink of running water. It was soaked. That's what I got for being a Judgy McJudgerson
1 comment:
That is insane.
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